Gay Eskimo's Punishment

Ben had a thing for punching guys in the junk.

Through the simple assertion that i preferred my junk to remain un-punched, i was able to avoid this. But for the majority of the men i went to high school with, who were maybe too proud to plead for their packages, or maybe just too stupid, testicular trauma was imminent.

I don't know why Ben punched junk, but it was kind of his thing. He was well known for it. I guess he was cool enough of a person otherwise to make up for the damage that junk punching would otherwise do to the relationships he had with people. I mean, he was a pretty cool guy.

Ben's three years older than me. But hell, before i had even gotten to high school Ben's junk-punching was already legendary among my peers. In 8th grade i had a friend who was taking advanced math classes at the high school, pre-Calc or Trig or some such thing, where his classmates were all sophomores and juniors, including Ben. He'd come back down to the middle school after class and tell us about his times there, such as ever time a hot high school girl had to bend over to pick up a pen (from his description, you'd think that high school girls' bodies repelled pens for some reason...they were ALWAYS bending over to pick them up...), and how he'd come into class and greet everyone. "Hi Ben!" he'd say in his reenactments, and then double over in mock pain, clutching his genitals.

So Ben would have been a Senior when i was a Freshman. Gay Eskimo was in 7th grade at this time, but all three of us spent the bulk of our free time at Gay Eskimo's house in those days. Myself because Gay Eskimo and i were whatever the male equivalent of BFFs was, and because of our gaming group (see previous blog), and Ben because he was really close friends with Gay Eskimo's sister. I think at the time he was still dating her best friend. They were together for a really long time. Also, we were all really tight with Gay Eskimo's mom. She was the coolest mom around.

Well, i guess that somehow Gay Eskimo had gotten the impression that once Ben punched a junk, he never punched that junk again. Kind of a one-time deal of sorts. I'm not sure why he had this impression, but holding it as he did, one day he decided to end the suspense and get it over with.

One night, we were gaming in the living room, and Gay Eskimo, randomly, as i recall, stood up and approached Ben, who was sitting and conversing with, among other people, Gay Eskimo's mom peacefully in the kitchen. Eight commas in one sentence? Is that even ok?

I remember quite clearly the somberness of his voice as he looked Ben in the eye, spreading his arms to each side at hip-level. "I'm ready to receive my punishment."

Ben looked at him, confused. "I, um, i already got you," he said cautiously. After all, he was standing right next to this kid's mom.

"No, you didn't," Gay Eskimo argued.

"Yeah, i'm pretty sure i did," he pleaded. This went on for a minute or so, Ben looking at Gay Eskimo's mom for guidance. She provided none. I was still in the living room, so i can't vouch for the accuracy of this, but knowing Gay Eskimo's mom, and knowing that she knew Ben and what was going on, she probably just figured, if he's going to ask for it like this, then he fucking deserves it. She was not usually one to protect her fledgling boy from his own stupid self. After all, experience is the best teacher.

"No, i'm quite sure that you haven't," Gay Eskimo prattled on.

"Look, i know that i..." and, in mid-sentence, Ben's fist suddenly just balled up, perhaps of its own accord, and thrust itself faster than the eye could follow straight into Gay Eskimo's crotch. He dropped like a sack filled with churches. The old brick and mortar kind, too, like from the 18th century. I'm surprised floorboards didn't crack when he hit them.

To his credit, he didn't cry, at least not in front of us. He went fetal, and just lay there, still as death, while the rest of the room stared at him in silence. After a couple minutes, conversation resumed, briefly about the damaged boy on the floor, then quickly segueing back into wherever it had dropped off before Gay Eskimo's odd request. The gaming group was unsure how to proceed with out him, but eventually we just handed the DM his character sheet and pressed on. Maybe fifteen minutes later we noticed him slithering, snake-like, toward the bathroom, still in a loose fetal position.

Not being able to reach the lock, the door was left partly ajar, and he somehow wriggled his way into the bathtub, where he remained for an hour or more before somebody needed to legitimately use the bathroom.